by Aruna Ladva Brahma Kumaris London, England, submitted by BK Etta Stevens
All of us must face tough situations sometimes in our lives. It all depends on what we consider ‘tough’ to be. For some it could be an illness, for some it could be a broken relationship, for some it could be losing a job or not getting the ‘dream’ job, for some it could be death of a loved one – but for some across our world right now, tough is in another league altogether.
What is it that helps us through tough times? Those who are able to meet difficult and challenging situations are strong and determined. They take action head on, rather than giving up. Where does the strength and determination come from? When the going gets tough, we need mental and spiritual toughness to keep on going. There is a difference between mental toughness and spiritual toughness. Mental strength is often about how you handle challenges and spiritual strength is often about why you decide to face and handle them.
Mental strength is about discipline, positive self-talk and endurance with a determined mind set. Spiritual strength is about your deeper purpose in life, the foundation of your beliefs, convictions and faith. “Discipline is about choosing to want more later, instead of to want more now” – Abraham Lincoln
Mental toughness – needs the ability to manage thoughts and emotions, because emotions trigger behavior. It requires building an inner immune system. Those who have mental strength are disciplined, have self-control, speak to themselves with positivity and optimism, handle all kinds of stress better, manage their fears and failures and these abilities endure, they are consistent over long periods of time.
Spiritual toughness – is about developing an inner strength connected to something greater than the self – one’s values, faith, a higher power. It is an awareness that one is more than a physical body and its limitations; that consciousness, the soul, has far greater power than the physical, and one is not limited by the body, the mind and the senses. Those who have developed this kind of strength carry a great sense of peace, life to them has deep meaning, they have an inner calm during chaos. They are moved by their generous hearts full of forgiveness, compassion, humility. They are those who give moral and ethical guidance by demonstrating and living these principles.
Between the mental and the spiritual is emotion. Emotional resilience is deeply connected to both and is the ability to adapt to stress setbacks and emotional pain without becoming overwhelmed and to bounce back stronger from adversity. This is essential because we feel before we think. Our survival system reacts before logic kicks in. When we are able to think clearly, we can reframe what is happening, give the benefit of doubt, find reasons for what is happening or the behavior of someone – we are then far less emotionally affected and less likely to ‘react’.
Another aspect of emotional resilience is to dis-identify with the emotion. This is not denial. To say, ‘I feel anger’ is very different to saying ‘I’m angry!’ As an observer of the emotion, we recognize that the emotion is not me – and then it is easier to deal with.
Most of us avoid emotional discomfort, we avoid the pain. We do this by delving into our devices, eating as escapism and find a myriad of distractions. We keep making excuses for not looking at what is going on inside. If we have the courage to sit with uncomfortable feelings, dis-identify and let the pain come and then subside, we can turn a tiger into a paper tiger and feel immensely gratified for having taken the time and finding the courage and strength to do so.
We build emotional resilience through that kind of self-awareness and by regulating our emotions so that they do not control our actions. We develop a flexible mind set and are able to adjust our plans or modify our wishes. We stay connected with what really matters, what is the most important belief and conviction that keep us moving forward. Meditation helps us to create a new awareness and consciously let go of old emotional habit patterns. When, in meditation, we expose the self to the Supreme source of spiritual light, we can see very clearly, but more importantly absorb the power to deal with what we see. Here are some tools to help you get going:
Box Breathing
How it works:
• Inhale for 4 seconds
• Hold for 4 seconds
• Exhale for 4 seconds
• Hold for 4 seconds
• Repeat 4 rounds.
Daily Self Check (in 5 mins)
What am I feeling right now?
Why am I feeling this way?
What do I need?
Purpose Reminder
Write down your WHY you keep going?
For example:
For the Family.
I believe in growth.
You love yourself too much not to.
Reframe Negative Thoughts
Is there another way to look at this?
What would I say to a friend in this situation?
Resilience Journal
One challenge I faced today
How I responded
What I learned
One thing I’m proud of
Taking Action:
Break big problems into small steps
Don’t wait for perfect conditions
Focus on what you can control
Draw a circle of what’s in your control – actions, attitude, efforts
Another of what’s not – others’ opinions, the past
Focus on the one you can control
Build strong habits before crisis hits
Waking up early
A daily ritual / routine either AM or PM
Practice gratitude
Meditate daily
Create good karma / volunteer
Surround yourself with support
Support Inventory – List 3 people you can lean on emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.
Practice self-compassion and + self-talk
Speak to yourself like you would to a close friend.
“I’m doing the best I can right now.”
“It’s okay to feel this. I’m still strong.”
Practice Soul Consciousness
I am full of divine powers
I am immortal
I am light – metaphysical
I am pure
I am abundant in virtue
Tough times will come and they will go, but it is always good to remember the observation made in a children’s book, ‘Winnie the Pooh’: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think”.
Meditation is the greatest value, especially in these chaotic times. It brings you to a place of peace and positivity.
That’s why the path of spirituality and meditation teaches us the importance of being able to master the self. Learning how to master the senses is the way to master the world around you. We must be able to control our inner world of thoughts, long before they extend out into the world through our words and actions. This is attained through self-discipline and self-management, because it all starts with the “self”. As we begin to lose the self, then we try more desperately to control everyone and everything on the outside, and we all know how badly that works out for everyone.
I am conducting a FREE ZOOM class every Tuesday morning, so that we can all learn to live more positively in these troubling times. Class begins promptly at 10:30 AM until 11:30 AM. Join Zoom Meeting 852 5673 8420
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